Truth: Chapter 19
“Tom. Dude, are you seriously going to go solo to a wedding?” Greg asked me, while I was tying my tie. Christina picked it out for me. It was deep crimson, “Tom, it will make your eyes pop out! Get it now, so we can get coffee! Well, do it!”
I shook back the memory, and responded “Yes, and what?”
“Shouldn’t you be going with Watson?”
“She’s going with Char….that asshole” I muttered.
“Dude, you’re in love.” He laughed. “That’s classic!”
I punched him on the arm.
00000
“Colin, relax! You’re freaking me out!” I told him, holding back a scream.
He was pacing back and forward rapidly, and pulling his hair- muttering something like “What if he leaves me at the aisle? Like that Julia Roberts movie- shit, I can’t remember the movie. I’m gay! I should know these classic romantic comedies…”
I walked over to him, and slapped him hard across the face.
“Control yourself. Tony is not going to leave you. Jeesh, you are stressing me out. Come on! We have 3 hours until the wedding, let’s grab coffee.” I soothed (besides I wanted coffee)
“Oh, Christina! I have to get ready!”
“Colin, you are not getting fitted into a dress or putting on makeup- you are just going to shower and put on your suit-“I stopped, and remembered Colin’s ridiculous bathing ritual. “It’ll take an hour.”
He looked thoughtful, then “Invite Char and Tom- I can’t see the man-bride before the wedding.”
I laughed, but started to text the two men.
0000
“Black and white Frappe, blended, nay on the whip cream, Turtle Truffle Frappe, Columbia, hot, and Brazilian, iced. “ The waitress handed us our Beverage of the Gods.
“So, Tom. Still whoring yourself out?” Char asked casually.
Colin laughed. That boy always liked awkwardness.
“Char, still longing for a girl who will never love you back?”
“Fuck you.” Char rose from the table. “I’m sick of your condescending comments, and looks. You think you are better than me? I’m studying to be a lawyer, I’m handsome, fuck you. If Christina loved you, she would have made up with you 3 months ago! You are nothing but a fickle asshole. “
Tom sipped his coffee, and stood up. There was a 2 inch height different “Listen, you insecure bastard. I know I’m better than you. I’m studying to be a doctor- helping people, rather than ripping than off. I love Christina, more than you’ll ever know- more than you are capable. Shut your goddamn mouth, before I do it for you.”
They stared at each other for a moment, then knocked over the table and started fighting.
“AH. I SPILLED MY COFFEE! AND STOP FIGHTING! STOP IT, NOW! YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF IMBECILES! “I screamed.
They looked at me.
“Char,” I looked at the brown-haired, freckled lover- the guy who made me laugh for months “You don’t love me. You love the idea of me. Never once, have you said it. Never once, have we had deep conversations. You are constantly looking at other girls. Tell me, I’m wrong. “
He looked down, ashamed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
He turned to leave, “Still best friends forever-ever? “
“Are you sure you’re not queer?” Colin chipped in.
“No, Will and Grace, and you are getting married! Shame on you!”
We shared a laughed, and some of the tension was eased.
0000
“Char, pick up your freckled asshole! Char, I swear- if I go alone to that wedding, I’m going to throw a pot of scalding hot coffee on you…”
“Christina?” Char picked up on the fourth ring.
“Oh, hello. I was calling to see, why you are 5 minutes late to pick me up…”
“Did you just threaten to spill hot coffee on me?”
“That’s not the point.” I started. “Pick me up! I’m already dressed.”
There was a knock on my door.
I opened it, anxious. That better be Char.
“Char! It’s about- sorry, I had a pot of coffee. “I paused. “Do I have coffee breath?”
He leaned close. “A little. Grab an altoid.”
I looked at him, closely. This was Char. Char, I made out with. Char, I laughed with…Char had a zit.
“Char, you have a giant zit on your chin. Let me put concealer on it.” He shook his head. “You are going to take pictures, with that monster on your face?”
He sighed.
“Great! You gave in. Let me grab my make up bag. “
0000
“Colin, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband in the state of Maine?”
“I do.”
There were cheers from the crowd.
After the ceremony, I ran up to Colin and hugged him. “Colin! Congrats! You are a married man! I love you so much- Tony,” I started, when he walked up to us. “Take care of my best friend. Use your manly man muscles for some good, kay?”
Tony nodded.
This is it, I thought, we are all growing up. No more, 10 pm dashes to the movie store, because we are stressed from finals. No more sleeping until noon on a Tuesday, becausee class doesn’t start until 2. No more, what? I can’t say that we are going to grow up and become the Adults our parents were-just yet anyway. We are in our early 20s; yet, still, Colin and Tony’s marriage brought me to this conclusion: Everybody’s evolving from the ever-changing world.
000
“Char, are you sure about this?” I asked him quietly. “Boston College is so…in Boston.”
“It’s a 70 percent scholarship, Chris.” He looked at me for a moment, and then grabbed my hand. “It’s only 4 and a half hours, and think of all the adventures you can have driving there. The neighborhood coffee shops, singing to college radios….we’re graduating in 2 weeks. I already made my decision. I love you, but this is for me. “
I gave him a sad smile. “I have this theory, that when you are a teenager- you honestly believe the world is about you. When you are in your 20s, it is blatantly clear, it is not- yet, and you still want it to be so. But, to me, it’s always been-the world is about decisions of other people- that may or may not include you. Like on a Sunday, if you want brunch-and they don’t invite you. Or…you know. “
He laughed, already used to my rambling after a year, and squeezed my hand.
“Here’s looking at you, kid.” He raised his glass.
“Are you going to get me drunk again, so I can sleep with you? How cliché.”
He rolled his eyes, but clicked my glass.
“Here’s to us.”
000
“Honey, I’m drunk.” Ms. Patty told me, handing me a glass.
“That I can see.” I laughed, but grabbed the champagne nonetheless.
“Char is leaving for Boston,” Grandma Watson came up to us “I think he’s gay.”
“What if he’s just a self-actualized man?”
The two old women looked at each other.
“Tom, Christina isn’t behind you.” Mrs. Watson told me.”He’s-“
“Behind you?” Char appeared, just as I knew he would. Nah. I saw him walking this way, when Mrs. Watson came over.
“Queer boy! Doesn’t this Gay Wedding inspire you?” Ms. Patty asked him, clapping him roughly on the shoulder.
He laughed. “Just because a man is well-dressed, knows good movies, likes dark chocolate- the candy, Control yourself! I am not gay.”
At this, there was a tense silence.
“Okay, I came here to confess my undying love to Tom. Christina was all a ridiculous ploy to get this yummy flesh of man. “Char paused, when the two old women gave knowing looks, “Are you serious?!”
“Forget it. They are already gone. “After I said this, I looked at the two women slapping the table, and laughing uproariously at some joke.
He motioned me away from the two drunken biddies.
“Undying love?” I scoffed.
“Shut up. It was some ace sarcasm.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gilmore Girls?” He nodded, pathetically. “Seasons 5-6 all weekend, 3 weeks ago.”
I laughed “Been there. But, we just got to season 3.”
And then, a shared looked between two men whipped, without being together with the actual girl took place.
“Thanks for taking care of her, when I was gone.”
“Gone-by choice.” Char laughed, then “You’re welcome. If she wasn’t adorable as a basket case…”
“Yeah.” We said together.
“It takes a lot to handle her. You were doing it for a year and a half, before me….good luck again.” Char extended his arm.
“Are you asking for my hand in marriage? I thought you weren’t gay?” I joked. “Thank you. Keep in touch. “I said seriously.
“Bon Voyage. “ Char waved
“Bye, ass.” I waved back.
Instead of getting into a fight, we both laughed- So, this is how adults handled the cowboy showdown.
Oh, god. That’s not a Brokeback reference.
000
Graduation. I’m graduating. Chilton University kiss my short ass goodbye!
I took a deep breath.
This is it. Once I get my diploma, I am officially an adult. Suddenly, I started worrying about if I’ll find a job after graduation. I changed my major at the end of my sophomore year to Education. I thought of Tom and Colin going to NYU for their medical degrees. They don’t seem scared at all. Why do I?
Hands shaking, I rummaged in my cabinet for my lorezapam; an anti-anxiety medicine. My panic attacks have gotten better, but there is still the random episode.
My cell started ringing; the ringtone is The Kooks ‘She moves in her own way’
“Tom? Yeah, I’ll be right there. “
Huh. He sounded excited. I guess I’ll find out, when I get there.
000
He was wearing light blue. I always liked him in light blue. It brought out the gray in his eyes. Eyes, sadness, happiness- I love how I can tell how he’s feeling through his eyes.
“Christina.” He had coffee ready for me.
“Tom, how are you?”
It felt awkward for some reason.
“Good, let’s go for a walk. “ He grabbed my hand and we walked out of Coffee Blues.
I looked back; Miss. Patty was smiling at us.
000
“Truth.” He looked at me seriously.
“Shoot.” He was making me nervous with his stare. It wasn’t his usual roll-of-the-eyes affection, but something deeper. What was it?
“If I were to tell you, I want to wake up to your smile and cute screech for coffee in the morning, listen to you ramble when you are nervous, love you even when you doubt anyone can with your “neuroticness” - would you believe me?” He stared at me then, and it felt like the world wasn’t falling apart, for once.
“Yes.”
000
Graduation was over 30 minutes ago, and me, Tom, Colin and Tony were at ihop.
“What is it about the tutti fruiti waffles that is so godly? “ Colin asked us.
“I don’t know, but the coffee for a diner is pretty okay. “ Tom told us.
“That’s weird, “I told him.”I was just going to say that.”
He smiled and grabbed my hand.
“So, what’s next? “ Tony asked us. “You graduated; I have my master’s degree already. What’s going to happen next?”
We paused.
“We are going to keep in touch. “ I started. “And evolve to mature adults, all the while sharing laughs and looking forward to the distant future.”
“Does it have to be so dramatic?” Tom challenged.
“No, but I’m overdramatic and ridiculous. Get over it.”
Colin laughed. “She’s been like that since she was in high school.”
Tony shuddered. “Hiding in the closet, especially as a football player is terrible. “
“I came out when I was 17.” Colin informed us, “Right after I broke up with Christina.”
I scoffed “I broke up with you!”
“Sure, my dear. “
We all sipped our semi-godly coffee.
“Neurotic faces the world. Chapter one” I said.
“Gay men facing marriage, Chapter One.” Colin answered for Tony and himself.
“Boy in love. Chapter 3” Tom looked down.
“Awww, Cheesy!” I said, but grabbed his hand.
After we said out goodbyes, Tom and I walked to my apartment.
“Is your cat there? “
I blinked back imaginary tears. “I am allergic.”
He laughed.
That’s how it started:
Truth and laughter.
The End.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Truth: Chapter 18
Truth: Chapter 18
“So, what do you want to do?” Tom asked me.
We were lying on the ground; the movie just ended and we were at lost on what to do next.
“My hands are aching” I told him “Massage it for me, please”
“Come over here. “ He patted the spot next to him
“You smell good”
“Are you sniffing my hair?” I asked “And it’s my new vanilla shampoo”
He gave me that stare again.
“What do you want from me” I whispered.
“You”
I woke up in a sweat.
I took a shower, got dressed, made coffee and then called Colin.
He picked up the phone on the third ring
“Yes, my dear” he answered
“I need to talk to you” I told him urgently. I needed to talk to someone about this dream, and my appointment with Dr. Maynes wasn’t until a few more days.
“I do”
“What…”
“I’m practicing for the wedding! It’s in 2 weeks and a half”
I sighed deeply. “Colin. I had a dream about Tom- it wasn’t a sex dream, rather something out of a romantic comedy.”
“Classic or Ashton Kutcher?”
“What does it matter?”
“Classic is true romance, whereas Kutcher is just fluff!” Colin told me dramatically.
“Classic. I asked him what he wants from me, then he looked me in the eye and said ‘You’ “I paused “What does that mean”
I didn’t tell anyone about the list, so Colin has no idea that I’m in love with Tom.
“It means you love him.”
“I don’t-“
He interrupted. “You two have been going around in circles for months; just admit it.”
So, I told him everything. He is, after all, my best friend.
When I was finished, I asked if he wanted to meet at Coffee Blues in 2 hours.
I needed to see someone; not to cry it out. God, no. What do I look like? A Basket case?
I mean, I am a basket case- but I don’t look like one! Wait, do I?
I took deep breaths that Dr. Maynes taught me. I was getting too paranoid.
0000
My father said, “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love.”
I never got that meaning until I met her.
She annoys me. It’s really that simple. I don’t know if I want to push her away for being so ignorant of my feelings, or force her to understand.
I’m not going to gather her in my arms “Oh, Christina! I’ve loved you from the moment I met you!”
It’s true, of course. But, that will only make her vomit from the sappiness and push her away.
She’s a funny girl, that Christina. I could list all her faults, reason my way out of my affections- but I know I’ll keep coming back. Always.
She’s mine, and that Char guy has nothing on what we have. Nothing.
It’s time to win her back. No more whores, I want love.
Oh, god. I think I might vomit from the sap; but it’s true. Besides, I heard Crystal has Nasty Snatch Junk.
Back to the point, how can I get her back?
As if lighting struck me, I looked at the mug on the table.
Coffee.
0000
I heard someone knock on my door. I always found that annoying, when I was making my coffee. Shouldn’t there be a signal that I’m making the beverage of the Gods?
I sighed and walked away from Melvin (my coffee maker) and reached the doorway.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Tom.”
I smoothed out my hair, checked my teeth in the mirror next to the door and took three calming breaths Dr.Maynes taught me.
What? I can’t seem like a basket case to the man I love.
I opened the door.
0000
Was it my imagination, or does she look shorter?
I stared. “I brought coffee.”
She smiled and reached over.
“Black and White, two sugars, no cream?” She asked me
“Yes.” I smiled. “It’s a great peace offering, no?”
“Coffee can end wars, they say. “ She smiled again, and motioned me into the kitchen.
“I’m making waffles. Do you want?” She asked me. “Slightly burnt, extra syrup and strawberries, right?”
“Affirmative. “
“I missed you. “ We said together.
“I called, you know. Those unknown numbers were me. “
“Shit. Now, I owe Tony a $20. And here I thought, it was some stalker. “She laughed. “Were you stalking me?”
“Only on Thursdays. “
After that, everything seemed back in place. The puzzles fit again.
000
“I saw you and Tom together! Yay for making up! Now, tell me, did you have mad sex?” Tony asked me.
“Yes on making up, no on mad sex and who says that?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Strange Queer.”
“Ignore him. He’s cracked up on red bull.” Colin told me.
I slapped Tony in the face. “RED BULL?! Traitor! That’s treason. Energy drink over coffee? I. am. So. Ashamed. “
“Calm down, Chris. “ Tony told me, scared for his life.
Or, I liked to think he was scared for his life. The thought of being intimidating, instead of cute when angry brings me joy.
“Christina Watson! I asked who you is your date to the wedding!” Colin told me, exasperated.
“Char. We planned this month ago. “
“Char? But, Tom is blonde. “Tony argued.
“What does hair color have to do with it?” I asked him
“Blond men are prettier. It’s my Gay Man Opinion, so it must be true. “Tony patted my head. “You have much to learn.”
I slapped his hand away, and walked to the door.
“Well, I already told Char and that is that. “ I glanced back, saw Tony’s stricken face, and stuck out my tongue.
Gay men!
0000
“Char, quit- Char!” Char was kissing my neck. I know he does that when he wants something or is angry.
You are probably thinking, ‘kissing your neck because he’s angry?’ I don’t pretend to understand him.
“Chris-Tina. Are you friends with Tom, again. Yes or no?” Char stopped kissing me, and look at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Would you like me to get a piece of paper and check mark, yes or no?” I told him sarcastically. “Yes, I’m friends with him, Char. You should be too. He’s me, Colin, and Tony’s best friend; and it will be awkward to the group if both of you dislike each other!”
“Wait.” He raised both hands. “I didn’t know the feeling was mutual. “
“And why wouldn’t you think that.”
“Chris-tina.” Here, he looked at me very seriously. “I’m completely loveable.”
I threw a pillow at him.
0000
“Truth.”
We were walking Central Park eating scones and drinking coffee.
“Shoot.”Tom said, taking a bite of his strawberry scone.
“Why were you with all those girls when we had friendship-up. “
“Friendship-up? What is that?”
I stomped my foot (very maturely.) “It’s when friends break up! Now, tell me why.”
There was a silence.
“I was trying to get over you.” He looked at me carefully, that look that I’ve grown fond of, and then looked away.
000
“Then, he said “I was trying to get over you.” What does that mean? Was he in love with me? Or was he just hurt that we weren’t friends anymore. Or was he angry that I was seeing Char, and sought revenge-because he was in love with me OR he was hurt we weren’t friends anymore!” I gasped. “This is taking a lot out of me.”
Dr. Maynes was silent for a moment.
“Maybe, he was feeling both emotions?”
“Oh, god. Now, I’m going to overanalyze the situation until my mental health deteriorates further, and I start knitting! What 21 year old knits!” I leaned back in my chair “This is all very confusing. “
She hmm-nn. I find that very annoying. Why must all therapist “hmm-nn.” It’s this know it all sound. I hate it. It’s like, “I’m listening, and know everything.” Wait, that’s not it. It’s “I’m listening and can’t believe how neurotic you are. “ That’s-
“Christina? You are overanalyzing again. Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.” Dr. Maynes instructed me.
I did what she asked.
“Here’s homework for you. Make a list of all the things you love about Tom and Char. You’ll find the answer there. I believe our session is over.”
0000
Here’s the list
Tom.
1. I love our deep conversations, and then it can become silly.
2. I love how he can make me laugh with his sarcasm
3. I love how he challenges me
4. I love how he’s addicted to coffee
5. I love how he doesn’t tell me, like all my other friends, that I’m drinking too much coffee
6. I love how he gets along with my family
7. I love that no matter how harsh the fight, we always come back
Char
1. I love how he makes me laugh
2. I love our scamming adventures
3. I love his goofy adorableness
4. But, we use each other for companionship- we don’t love each other. He’s competitive over Tom. That’s why he’s jealous. Tom is the man he wants to me. I figured this out in therapy. Sometimes, he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t challenge me.
5. He isn’t Tom.
I looked at the list, at all the perfections and faults of the two men, and made my choice.
Oh, god. Cry me a river. This is going to be hard to break the news
“So, what do you want to do?” Tom asked me.
We were lying on the ground; the movie just ended and we were at lost on what to do next.
“My hands are aching” I told him “Massage it for me, please”
“Come over here. “ He patted the spot next to him
“You smell good”
“Are you sniffing my hair?” I asked “And it’s my new vanilla shampoo”
He gave me that stare again.
“What do you want from me” I whispered.
“You”
I woke up in a sweat.
I took a shower, got dressed, made coffee and then called Colin.
He picked up the phone on the third ring
“Yes, my dear” he answered
“I need to talk to you” I told him urgently. I needed to talk to someone about this dream, and my appointment with Dr. Maynes wasn’t until a few more days.
“I do”
“What…”
“I’m practicing for the wedding! It’s in 2 weeks and a half”
I sighed deeply. “Colin. I had a dream about Tom- it wasn’t a sex dream, rather something out of a romantic comedy.”
“Classic or Ashton Kutcher?”
“What does it matter?”
“Classic is true romance, whereas Kutcher is just fluff!” Colin told me dramatically.
“Classic. I asked him what he wants from me, then he looked me in the eye and said ‘You’ “I paused “What does that mean”
I didn’t tell anyone about the list, so Colin has no idea that I’m in love with Tom.
“It means you love him.”
“I don’t-“
He interrupted. “You two have been going around in circles for months; just admit it.”
So, I told him everything. He is, after all, my best friend.
When I was finished, I asked if he wanted to meet at Coffee Blues in 2 hours.
I needed to see someone; not to cry it out. God, no. What do I look like? A Basket case?
I mean, I am a basket case- but I don’t look like one! Wait, do I?
I took deep breaths that Dr. Maynes taught me. I was getting too paranoid.
0000
My father said, “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love.”
I never got that meaning until I met her.
She annoys me. It’s really that simple. I don’t know if I want to push her away for being so ignorant of my feelings, or force her to understand.
I’m not going to gather her in my arms “Oh, Christina! I’ve loved you from the moment I met you!”
It’s true, of course. But, that will only make her vomit from the sappiness and push her away.
She’s a funny girl, that Christina. I could list all her faults, reason my way out of my affections- but I know I’ll keep coming back. Always.
She’s mine, and that Char guy has nothing on what we have. Nothing.
It’s time to win her back. No more whores, I want love.
Oh, god. I think I might vomit from the sap; but it’s true. Besides, I heard Crystal has Nasty Snatch Junk.
Back to the point, how can I get her back?
As if lighting struck me, I looked at the mug on the table.
Coffee.
0000
I heard someone knock on my door. I always found that annoying, when I was making my coffee. Shouldn’t there be a signal that I’m making the beverage of the Gods?
I sighed and walked away from Melvin (my coffee maker) and reached the doorway.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Tom.”
I smoothed out my hair, checked my teeth in the mirror next to the door and took three calming breaths Dr.Maynes taught me.
What? I can’t seem like a basket case to the man I love.
I opened the door.
0000
Was it my imagination, or does she look shorter?
I stared. “I brought coffee.”
She smiled and reached over.
“Black and White, two sugars, no cream?” She asked me
“Yes.” I smiled. “It’s a great peace offering, no?”
“Coffee can end wars, they say. “ She smiled again, and motioned me into the kitchen.
“I’m making waffles. Do you want?” She asked me. “Slightly burnt, extra syrup and strawberries, right?”
“Affirmative. “
“I missed you. “ We said together.
“I called, you know. Those unknown numbers were me. “
“Shit. Now, I owe Tony a $20. And here I thought, it was some stalker. “She laughed. “Were you stalking me?”
“Only on Thursdays. “
After that, everything seemed back in place. The puzzles fit again.
000
“I saw you and Tom together! Yay for making up! Now, tell me, did you have mad sex?” Tony asked me.
“Yes on making up, no on mad sex and who says that?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Strange Queer.”
“Ignore him. He’s cracked up on red bull.” Colin told me.
I slapped Tony in the face. “RED BULL?! Traitor! That’s treason. Energy drink over coffee? I. am. So. Ashamed. “
“Calm down, Chris. “ Tony told me, scared for his life.
Or, I liked to think he was scared for his life. The thought of being intimidating, instead of cute when angry brings me joy.
“Christina Watson! I asked who you is your date to the wedding!” Colin told me, exasperated.
“Char. We planned this month ago. “
“Char? But, Tom is blonde. “Tony argued.
“What does hair color have to do with it?” I asked him
“Blond men are prettier. It’s my Gay Man Opinion, so it must be true. “Tony patted my head. “You have much to learn.”
I slapped his hand away, and walked to the door.
“Well, I already told Char and that is that. “ I glanced back, saw Tony’s stricken face, and stuck out my tongue.
Gay men!
0000
“Char, quit- Char!” Char was kissing my neck. I know he does that when he wants something or is angry.
You are probably thinking, ‘kissing your neck because he’s angry?’ I don’t pretend to understand him.
“Chris-Tina. Are you friends with Tom, again. Yes or no?” Char stopped kissing me, and look at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Would you like me to get a piece of paper and check mark, yes or no?” I told him sarcastically. “Yes, I’m friends with him, Char. You should be too. He’s me, Colin, and Tony’s best friend; and it will be awkward to the group if both of you dislike each other!”
“Wait.” He raised both hands. “I didn’t know the feeling was mutual. “
“And why wouldn’t you think that.”
“Chris-tina.” Here, he looked at me very seriously. “I’m completely loveable.”
I threw a pillow at him.
0000
“Truth.”
We were walking Central Park eating scones and drinking coffee.
“Shoot.”Tom said, taking a bite of his strawberry scone.
“Why were you with all those girls when we had friendship-up. “
“Friendship-up? What is that?”
I stomped my foot (very maturely.) “It’s when friends break up! Now, tell me why.”
There was a silence.
“I was trying to get over you.” He looked at me carefully, that look that I’ve grown fond of, and then looked away.
000
“Then, he said “I was trying to get over you.” What does that mean? Was he in love with me? Or was he just hurt that we weren’t friends anymore. Or was he angry that I was seeing Char, and sought revenge-because he was in love with me OR he was hurt we weren’t friends anymore!” I gasped. “This is taking a lot out of me.”
Dr. Maynes was silent for a moment.
“Maybe, he was feeling both emotions?”
“Oh, god. Now, I’m going to overanalyze the situation until my mental health deteriorates further, and I start knitting! What 21 year old knits!” I leaned back in my chair “This is all very confusing. “
She hmm-nn. I find that very annoying. Why must all therapist “hmm-nn.” It’s this know it all sound. I hate it. It’s like, “I’m listening, and know everything.” Wait, that’s not it. It’s “I’m listening and can’t believe how neurotic you are. “ That’s-
“Christina? You are overanalyzing again. Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.” Dr. Maynes instructed me.
I did what she asked.
“Here’s homework for you. Make a list of all the things you love about Tom and Char. You’ll find the answer there. I believe our session is over.”
0000
Here’s the list
Tom.
1. I love our deep conversations, and then it can become silly.
2. I love how he can make me laugh with his sarcasm
3. I love how he challenges me
4. I love how he’s addicted to coffee
5. I love how he doesn’t tell me, like all my other friends, that I’m drinking too much coffee
6. I love how he gets along with my family
7. I love that no matter how harsh the fight, we always come back
Char
1. I love how he makes me laugh
2. I love our scamming adventures
3. I love his goofy adorableness
4. But, we use each other for companionship- we don’t love each other. He’s competitive over Tom. That’s why he’s jealous. Tom is the man he wants to me. I figured this out in therapy. Sometimes, he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t challenge me.
5. He isn’t Tom.
I looked at the list, at all the perfections and faults of the two men, and made my choice.
Oh, god. Cry me a river. This is going to be hard to break the news
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Truth:Chapter 17
Weeks in writing!
“Char, Char, Char! I can’t wear yellow to the groombride shower. It washes out my skin” I told him exaggeratedly.
“Groombride?” He questioned, shaking his head. His brown hair was getting too long, and starting to wave on the bottom. It was kind of adorable, actually.
“Yes, Tony isn’t really a man, is he? It’s like a bridal shower- for a man? He doesn’t want strippers, just renting out a hotel room and getting facials.” I told him.
“You make him sound like he’s the gayest man in the world. He’s, as you say, “looks manly man.”
“Yes, I know. Anyway, let’s not talk about it. Hold my purse, please?” I looked up at him with big eyes.
He sighed. “Why, again?”
“For ultimate embarrassment.” I paused. “And because you love me.”
He took my purse.
0000
“How are Tony and Colin’s wedding plans going” Dr. Maynes asked me, popping nicotine gum in her mouth.
“It’s okay. One month left! Colin is freaking out about the menu. And table cloths. And venue.” I paused. “He’s freaking out about basically everything. “
“Ah. Who are you intending to take?”
“Most likely Char. We are kind of seeing each other. I mean, we are always with each other…and stuff.”
“Stuff?”
“Stuff” I looked at her meaningfully.
She’s a woman, but she isn’t my friend and I’m not that comfortable to talk about things like that with her. Now that I think about it, I don’t have much “lady friends”
“Ah, I see” She gave me her therapist stare. It was very annoying
“Yes.”
We talked about my senior year, and my lack of panic attacks; how that was a sign of my mental health progressing.
Then it was time to leave.
Dr. Maynes looked at her watch. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Sure thing”
I walked out of the office, and then got into my car.
I found myself dialing Tom’s number, wanting to tell him how my session went. It’s almost automatic to pick up the phone and call him when something happens, or just to talk; but I can’t do that anymore. Maybe it’s time to make up. But, will he let me?
0000
“Truth.”Tom told me. We were walking in Central Park, one of our favorite activates after getting coffee.
“Shoot. “ I told him.
“Do you have a 5 Year Plan?” he asked me.
“I don’t go that far into the future. I have 2 year plans. “
“Why not 5?”
“5 are so long term and it has this sense of concrete to it. Life plans should be flexible, yet, concise. “I took a sip of my blended mocha truffle coffee.
“Ah.” Tom looked thoughtful. “Explain.”
“I mean, plans are basically a semi-elaborate list-what to do first, and then next. If you are making normal, everyday plans like ‘Where do you want to go? What time should we meet?’ It has to be definite, or it’ll fall through. Life Plans, on the other hand, can’t be so because time comes up faster than we expect it- We’ll fall short on our 5 Year Plan. Besides, 5 years is too great of a time to even want to predict what may come.” I stared at me. “You follow?”
He rolled his eyes. “Would I be here, if I didn’t?” He grabbed my arm. “There are puddles everywhere. “
“Oh, Tom. You just want to hold me!”
We laughed and continued walking.
00000
Three weeks left until the wedding
“Talk to him.” Dr. Maynes told me.
We were talking about Tom for five sessions now. I can’t help that I have nothing else to talk about…
“But, if I talk to him- after what, 3 months, it’ll seem like I miss him and I’m desperate for his companionship.”
She stared.
I sighed deeply. “If he wanted to contact me, he would have by now. “
“What about those unknown numbers? Tony told you his theory about that being Tom.” Dr. Maynes told me quite calmly.
“Tony also has a theory gay men are nicer than lesbians. “
She laughed, then sobered up. “We’ve been talking about “saving yourself” in these sessions, but what we didn’t breach is, sometimes you have to let other people aide you in the process. We live in an interpersonal world. People need people for, as you say, “don’t go mental and start knitting.”
From all of what you told me and my belief that Tony’s theories are correct, you two friendship is worth fighting for. You don’t meet real friends like that very often. “She looked at her watch. “It’s time to leave. But, first, I want to give you an assignment.”
000000
Doctor Maynes is making me write a list; a list about my feelings- my “iffiness” with Char, Tom and Myself. It’s stupid, but here it is.
Love. A word. An Emotion. A failing.
It hurts.
You don’t sleep.
You get so nervous at the thought of him, you act like some crazy, OCD twit.
Jealousy makes me break out.
My hands shake so much when I imagine them together, I spill my coffee. My coffee…COFFEE.
I don’t like how he just let me go, and didn’t fight for me.
I hate how I want him to be jealous.
I hate how I’m leading on a great guy, but can’t help it because I’m so sprung on Him. Asshole.
I hate how he makes me figure things out for myself; like now- that I love him, after almost 2 months of being angry, but longing.
I hate how I enjoy our debates, when half the time he is winning. He never lets me win.
I hate how I compared every other guy, even the Classic Hollywood Men, and they fall short.
I hate him.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate the loss of control. I, a girl with everything in its particular place, 2 year plans; to do lists- can’t control the situation, my emotions. God, don’t make me say heart!
I hate that after all this time, He’s known all along.
I hate how I have to apologize.
But, I learned, hating something means less than doing what you must for the one you love.
And I love him.
Huh.
I said it.
I love him.
“Char, Char, Char! I can’t wear yellow to the groombride shower. It washes out my skin” I told him exaggeratedly.
“Groombride?” He questioned, shaking his head. His brown hair was getting too long, and starting to wave on the bottom. It was kind of adorable, actually.
“Yes, Tony isn’t really a man, is he? It’s like a bridal shower- for a man? He doesn’t want strippers, just renting out a hotel room and getting facials.” I told him.
“You make him sound like he’s the gayest man in the world. He’s, as you say, “looks manly man.”
“Yes, I know. Anyway, let’s not talk about it. Hold my purse, please?” I looked up at him with big eyes.
He sighed. “Why, again?”
“For ultimate embarrassment.” I paused. “And because you love me.”
He took my purse.
0000
“How are Tony and Colin’s wedding plans going” Dr. Maynes asked me, popping nicotine gum in her mouth.
“It’s okay. One month left! Colin is freaking out about the menu. And table cloths. And venue.” I paused. “He’s freaking out about basically everything. “
“Ah. Who are you intending to take?”
“Most likely Char. We are kind of seeing each other. I mean, we are always with each other…and stuff.”
“Stuff?”
“Stuff” I looked at her meaningfully.
She’s a woman, but she isn’t my friend and I’m not that comfortable to talk about things like that with her. Now that I think about it, I don’t have much “lady friends”
“Ah, I see” She gave me her therapist stare. It was very annoying
“Yes.”
We talked about my senior year, and my lack of panic attacks; how that was a sign of my mental health progressing.
Then it was time to leave.
Dr. Maynes looked at her watch. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Sure thing”
I walked out of the office, and then got into my car.
I found myself dialing Tom’s number, wanting to tell him how my session went. It’s almost automatic to pick up the phone and call him when something happens, or just to talk; but I can’t do that anymore. Maybe it’s time to make up. But, will he let me?
0000
“Truth.”Tom told me. We were walking in Central Park, one of our favorite activates after getting coffee.
“Shoot. “ I told him.
“Do you have a 5 Year Plan?” he asked me.
“I don’t go that far into the future. I have 2 year plans. “
“Why not 5?”
“5 are so long term and it has this sense of concrete to it. Life plans should be flexible, yet, concise. “I took a sip of my blended mocha truffle coffee.
“Ah.” Tom looked thoughtful. “Explain.”
“I mean, plans are basically a semi-elaborate list-what to do first, and then next. If you are making normal, everyday plans like ‘Where do you want to go? What time should we meet?’ It has to be definite, or it’ll fall through. Life Plans, on the other hand, can’t be so because time comes up faster than we expect it- We’ll fall short on our 5 Year Plan. Besides, 5 years is too great of a time to even want to predict what may come.” I stared at me. “You follow?”
He rolled his eyes. “Would I be here, if I didn’t?” He grabbed my arm. “There are puddles everywhere. “
“Oh, Tom. You just want to hold me!”
We laughed and continued walking.
00000
Three weeks left until the wedding
“Talk to him.” Dr. Maynes told me.
We were talking about Tom for five sessions now. I can’t help that I have nothing else to talk about…
“But, if I talk to him- after what, 3 months, it’ll seem like I miss him and I’m desperate for his companionship.”
She stared.
I sighed deeply. “If he wanted to contact me, he would have by now. “
“What about those unknown numbers? Tony told you his theory about that being Tom.” Dr. Maynes told me quite calmly.
“Tony also has a theory gay men are nicer than lesbians. “
She laughed, then sobered up. “We’ve been talking about “saving yourself” in these sessions, but what we didn’t breach is, sometimes you have to let other people aide you in the process. We live in an interpersonal world. People need people for, as you say, “don’t go mental and start knitting.”
From all of what you told me and my belief that Tony’s theories are correct, you two friendship is worth fighting for. You don’t meet real friends like that very often. “She looked at her watch. “It’s time to leave. But, first, I want to give you an assignment.”
000000
Doctor Maynes is making me write a list; a list about my feelings- my “iffiness” with Char, Tom and Myself. It’s stupid, but here it is.
Love. A word. An Emotion. A failing.
It hurts.
You don’t sleep.
You get so nervous at the thought of him, you act like some crazy, OCD twit.
Jealousy makes me break out.
My hands shake so much when I imagine them together, I spill my coffee. My coffee…COFFEE.
I don’t like how he just let me go, and didn’t fight for me.
I hate how I want him to be jealous.
I hate how I’m leading on a great guy, but can’t help it because I’m so sprung on Him. Asshole.
I hate how he makes me figure things out for myself; like now- that I love him, after almost 2 months of being angry, but longing.
I hate how I enjoy our debates, when half the time he is winning. He never lets me win.
I hate how I compared every other guy, even the Classic Hollywood Men, and they fall short.
I hate him.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate the loss of control. I, a girl with everything in its particular place, 2 year plans; to do lists- can’t control the situation, my emotions. God, don’t make me say heart!
I hate that after all this time, He’s known all along.
I hate how I have to apologize.
But, I learned, hating something means less than doing what you must for the one you love.
And I love him.
Huh.
I said it.
I love him.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Author's note:
You may have realized this already... but I am taking a break on writing Truth.I don't have motivation. There is my other story "Another Angst Story" It is Tom POV. Check that out please.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Truth:Dressing Rooms
author's note:companion piece to Truth
"Colin!The purple cuff links or the white?Tony asked, holding up an extravagant pair of each.
"Purple is too gay. White." Colin told him while he browsed through the ties.
"Yes, but-"
"He's right.Too gay. " I told Told.
We were in Tux's and Gow for 45 minutes and I was already growing annoyed.
"And you're too short and neurotic!" Tony stuck out his tongue.
"I'm 5'2 AND a half." I said, sniffing."That's average height."
"At the shire- oh are your feet hairy too?"Tony clapped his hand like the gay dinosaur he is. No!Leave me alone!"
It was too late. He was already taking off my flats.
"Mismatched socks?Really?"
Tony shook his head.
"Grow a pair."
"Colin can vouch for that."
I made a disgusted face(and who can blame me) and walked out.
"Colin!The purple cuff links or the white?Tony asked, holding up an extravagant pair of each.
"Purple is too gay. White." Colin told him while he browsed through the ties.
"Yes, but-"
"He's right.Too gay. " I told Told.
We were in Tux's and Gow for 45 minutes and I was already growing annoyed.
"And you're too short and neurotic!" Tony stuck out his tongue.
"I'm 5'2 AND a half." I said, sniffing."That's average height."
"At the shire- oh are your feet hairy too?"Tony clapped his hand like the gay dinosaur he is. No!Leave me alone!"
It was too late. He was already taking off my flats.
"Mismatched socks?Really?"
Tony shook his head.
"Grow a pair."
"Colin can vouch for that."
I made a disgusted face(and who can blame me) and walked out.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Truth:Chapter 16
Truth:Chapter 16
“Your first crush?” I asked Tom, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Melissa Akers. 4th grade. She was gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes… I was a boy in love. “ He sighed. “Too bad I was a scrawny kid.”
I pinched his muscles. “You’re not anymore.”
“ I know.” He told me”Okay, same question.”
“Timonthy Allen. 2nd grade. Forgot what he looked like. I was too skinny as well.”
“Sad.” He did that eyebrow thing“The curse of ugly kids.”
I threw my spoon at him.
“I wasn’t ugly!”
“I was just kidding!”
“No, you were doing that eyebrow thing- you always do that when you are trying to be serious.” I shook a finger in his face.
“You got me.” He rolled his eyes. “Are you finished with that?” Tom pointed to my half-eaten waffles.
“Yes, dutch this time?”
“I’ll pay.” He motioned for the waiter “Check please.”
0000
“YOU BROKE MARVIN!” I screeched to Char. I can’t believe he broke my coffee maker! What a sin!
“I swear-it just happened!” He ducked my punch.”I’ll buy you another one.”
“Okay, let’s go now. “ He stared at me blankly.”I’ll get dressed! God, like I’ll go out with just my jammies on.”
0000
“What about this one?” Char pointed to a Mr. Coffee machine.
“That cheap piece of shit? Uh, no.” I wandered down the aisle looking for the perfect replacement for Marvin(RIP) “Char!”
I started jumping up and down, which was a bad idea because I almost bumped into an old woman.
“LUXIST!It’s in red…and its on sale!”
“Christina, that is $400…”
“Marvin was a Luxist…this could be his son or daughter. You owe me, Char.” I tried to look intimidating, but he just laughed.
“You’re lucky I have a job.”
“Where do you work at?”
“I whore some girls out.”
“Haha,cute. I know you quit the delivery place, so where?”
“I got an internship at the law firm. It doesn’t pay much .Just $15 an hour…”
“Oh. Well, that’s more than me…if I don’t get any tips. Which I do, I mean, not to be conceited but I am a young, attractive woman.” I told him.
“That you are. Hurry, let’s pay for this, and go back to my place.”
“Rent movies?”
“NO Monty Python!”
I sighed. “Deal”
0000
“Ah, I wish all guys could profess their love like Harry.” I told Tom
“Yeah, like all guys have a script in front of them.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Where’s your sense of romance?”
He trampled on top of me and whispered “Is this romantic?
“If you think cutting off my air supply is romantic, then no.”
He rolled off.
I miss Tom. I shouldn’t be thinking of him when I’m with Char…I shouldn’t.
0000
“I’d like to apologize for my unprofessional behavior, Christina.” Dr. Maynes said when I sat down.
“It’s okay. It seems we are both going under some stress.”
“Go on. “
“I finally admitted I miss Tom after I saw him with another girl. Me and Char got drunk and had sex. We weren’t drunk, and had sex again. Colin and Tony are getting married. I want to quit my job. I’m anxious about senior year…I’m just so confused.” I started to tear up. “Shit. I hate crying. It makes me feel like a damsel or a basketcase. I guess I’m leaning more to the basketcase.”
I started to laugh. “When did everything fall apart?”
“You have to decided that for yourself. I can’t tell you how to feel.”
“Or it wouldn’t be self-help, right? “
“Yes.”
0000
“Colin, you really need to organize your paperwork! It won’t surprise me, in this mess, you will lose your bills and have to file bankruptcy. And then-“ I paused for dramatic effect “You can’t take me out to dinner.”
“Christina, I’m a pharmacist in training- I will make enough money to feed you and Tom’s kids!” Colin sighed when I turned silent.
“Can you two just get over it? You miss him. He’s fucking everyone to pretend he doesn’t miss you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve been watching Dr. Oz.”
“ Ew. His arms are so hairy- like a caveman. “ Colin stared. “What? I notice these things!”
“Back to the point, avoider of topics, “ Colin started. “You miss him. Call him. Have babies, I want to be an Uncle.”
“Don’t you have a sister? “ I threw a pillow at him “Kids are retarded midgets! You know that!”
He laughed. “You’re mistaking the general population for your childhood. “
I threw another pillow at him.
00000
I’m going to do it. I’m going to call the man I’ve been avoiding for months. Now…
“Christina, honey dew, you are saying your thoughts aloud again.” Tony told me.
“Shut up! Let me call…okay…someone hand me the phone. “
“The phone is in your hand.”
I threw the phone “Someone get me the phone and hand it to me. “
My friends stared. “Ah, I can’t do this. “
5 minutes later after Char pulled me down and putting the phone in my hands, I called.
“Char, you really need to work on those abs. They are not as hard.”
“Hello?” a girl answered Tom’s phone. She’s probably a slut. And blonde. And tall. And gorgeous. Ag.
“Is Tom there?” I asked politely.
“He’s getting dressed.” The girl said, bored.
I hung up.
“He has another girl over there. “
“ Oh.” Colin said. “Maybe she’s there to pick up something. “
“Like her panties” Char muttered.
“He’s getting dressed. They had sex!” I groaned “He’s over me.”
“Don’t cry.” Tony said, already passing me a tissue.
“I won’t. “
0000
There was a knock on my door.
“Ugh. Too early.” I rolled off the latest bint and got out of bed.
I opened the door to find two angry men.
“Hello, Dugrey. Can we come in?” asked Colin, not waiting for the formal invitation, he walked inside.
“Can I help you?” I said gruffly.
“ You can.” Tony said “Quit being an ass and call Christina”
I groaned “She told me she doesn’t need me. What am I supposed to do? Bother her until she does? No thanks. I’m fine right now.”
“Whoring yourself doesn’t seem fine, does it Tony?” Colin asked his fiancée
“No, it doesn’t. It sounds like he’s running away. I think that’s it, fiancée”
“Yes, I think-“
I interrupted them “If you are done trying to guilt trip me. I’m going to stop you right now. I need coffee.”
Almost automatically, flashbacks of Christina appeared in my mind.
“I’ll make it.” Colin offered, pushing me out of the way and into the kitchen.
“Ew. Maxwell House? You lowered your standards in everything” Colin tsked
“I’m a struggling college student”
“No, you’re not.” Tony said off-handedly “You are a struggling college whore.”
“Enough with the antagonism, Queer Eye. I can always kick you out, you know.” I told them, frustrated.
“You don’t have the muscle power.” Colin told me
Tony then flexed.
“Right. “ I rolled my eyes. I’m really sick of these two making me out to be the bad guy.
“You are the bad guy.” Colin told me, drinking my coffee. “You voice your thoughts aloud…like someone else we know.”
I scowled. “Out!”
Colin pushed Tony out the door.
“Good. Now, its just the boys.” Colin told me.
“Tony isn’t one?” I asked, smirking
“He likes to pretend he is, but I know better.” Colin walked closer to me. “You. Need. To. Make. Up. With. The Love of your life. “
“Emily Blunt won’t return my calls.” I told him.
“Listen, smart ass, I am not leaving until you call her. She’s lonely without you.”
“Fine, Elton John,” Colin scoffed at me “Hand me the phone”
He did. I started dialing. She picked up on the fourth ring.
“Hello?” Christina answered. In the background, I could hear shuffling “Char!” Giggle.
“I’m sorry. Who is this?” She asked.
I hung up.
“Lonely, huh? Sounds like she’s fine with another man.”
00000
Damn you, Christina. I thought. Char was supposed to leave at 3! I told that girl…
“She’s probably watching Sex and the City. “ Tom stared at me disbelievingly. “That’s her favorite show, now that its on E!” He still stared “Oh, so you can whore yourself, but Christina can’t be with her friend? That’s hypocritical, Dugrey. A double standard, actually.”
“Out. Now.” Tom interrupted me.
I nodded, and headed out.
0000
“He was heartbroken, Tony, I’m telling you.” I explained to my fiancée. “That’s the only reason why he would be so angry.”
Tony nodded indulgently.
“Maybe I can prescribe him Prozac…” I wondered aloud
“What’s with pharmacist- or future pharmacists- and drugging everyone?” Tony asked me.
“I’m not a frat boy drugging some freshman. Its prescribing medicine that can help you.”
“And Prince Charles is attractive.”
“He does have that charm.”
Tony turned his showtunes up.
0000
“What are you doing?” Char asked me.
I was applying my moisturizer for the fifth time.
“Moisturizing. I don’t want wrinkles.” I told him simply.
“This is your sixth time applying that goo to your face.” Char reminded me.
“The fifth. The first thing I put was for my brown spots.”
“You’re PALE.”
“You can still get sun marks. “
“You get sunburn every time you go outside- You don’t go outside.”
“That’s not true. I went to get the paper across the street” I shook my finger at him “I’m not a zombie that comes out at night. I love the sun…even though it’s a bitch that burns me. Nevermind, I don’t like the sun. The sun can go to hell..wait there is already a sun in hell. I mean, that’s why its so hot, right?”
“Ask Tom.” He muttered.
I chose to ignore his comment.
“Let’s just get coffee, okay?”
He agreed.
I want someone that challenges me, I thought.
“Your first crush?” I asked Tom, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Melissa Akers. 4th grade. She was gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes… I was a boy in love. “ He sighed. “Too bad I was a scrawny kid.”
I pinched his muscles. “You’re not anymore.”
“ I know.” He told me”Okay, same question.”
“Timonthy Allen. 2nd grade. Forgot what he looked like. I was too skinny as well.”
“Sad.” He did that eyebrow thing“The curse of ugly kids.”
I threw my spoon at him.
“I wasn’t ugly!”
“I was just kidding!”
“No, you were doing that eyebrow thing- you always do that when you are trying to be serious.” I shook a finger in his face.
“You got me.” He rolled his eyes. “Are you finished with that?” Tom pointed to my half-eaten waffles.
“Yes, dutch this time?”
“I’ll pay.” He motioned for the waiter “Check please.”
0000
“YOU BROKE MARVIN!” I screeched to Char. I can’t believe he broke my coffee maker! What a sin!
“I swear-it just happened!” He ducked my punch.”I’ll buy you another one.”
“Okay, let’s go now. “ He stared at me blankly.”I’ll get dressed! God, like I’ll go out with just my jammies on.”
0000
“What about this one?” Char pointed to a Mr. Coffee machine.
“That cheap piece of shit? Uh, no.” I wandered down the aisle looking for the perfect replacement for Marvin(RIP) “Char!”
I started jumping up and down, which was a bad idea because I almost bumped into an old woman.
“LUXIST!It’s in red…and its on sale!”
“Christina, that is $400…”
“Marvin was a Luxist…this could be his son or daughter. You owe me, Char.” I tried to look intimidating, but he just laughed.
“You’re lucky I have a job.”
“Where do you work at?”
“I whore some girls out.”
“Haha,cute. I know you quit the delivery place, so where?”
“I got an internship at the law firm. It doesn’t pay much .Just $15 an hour…”
“Oh. Well, that’s more than me…if I don’t get any tips. Which I do, I mean, not to be conceited but I am a young, attractive woman.” I told him.
“That you are. Hurry, let’s pay for this, and go back to my place.”
“Rent movies?”
“NO Monty Python!”
I sighed. “Deal”
0000
“Ah, I wish all guys could profess their love like Harry.” I told Tom
“Yeah, like all guys have a script in front of them.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Where’s your sense of romance?”
He trampled on top of me and whispered “Is this romantic?
“If you think cutting off my air supply is romantic, then no.”
He rolled off.
I miss Tom. I shouldn’t be thinking of him when I’m with Char…I shouldn’t.
0000
“I’d like to apologize for my unprofessional behavior, Christina.” Dr. Maynes said when I sat down.
“It’s okay. It seems we are both going under some stress.”
“Go on. “
“I finally admitted I miss Tom after I saw him with another girl. Me and Char got drunk and had sex. We weren’t drunk, and had sex again. Colin and Tony are getting married. I want to quit my job. I’m anxious about senior year…I’m just so confused.” I started to tear up. “Shit. I hate crying. It makes me feel like a damsel or a basketcase. I guess I’m leaning more to the basketcase.”
I started to laugh. “When did everything fall apart?”
“You have to decided that for yourself. I can’t tell you how to feel.”
“Or it wouldn’t be self-help, right? “
“Yes.”
0000
“Colin, you really need to organize your paperwork! It won’t surprise me, in this mess, you will lose your bills and have to file bankruptcy. And then-“ I paused for dramatic effect “You can’t take me out to dinner.”
“Christina, I’m a pharmacist in training- I will make enough money to feed you and Tom’s kids!” Colin sighed when I turned silent.
“Can you two just get over it? You miss him. He’s fucking everyone to pretend he doesn’t miss you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve been watching Dr. Oz.”
“ Ew. His arms are so hairy- like a caveman. “ Colin stared. “What? I notice these things!”
“Back to the point, avoider of topics, “ Colin started. “You miss him. Call him. Have babies, I want to be an Uncle.”
“Don’t you have a sister? “ I threw a pillow at him “Kids are retarded midgets! You know that!”
He laughed. “You’re mistaking the general population for your childhood. “
I threw another pillow at him.
00000
I’m going to do it. I’m going to call the man I’ve been avoiding for months. Now…
“Christina, honey dew, you are saying your thoughts aloud again.” Tony told me.
“Shut up! Let me call…okay…someone hand me the phone. “
“The phone is in your hand.”
I threw the phone “Someone get me the phone and hand it to me. “
My friends stared. “Ah, I can’t do this. “
5 minutes later after Char pulled me down and putting the phone in my hands, I called.
“Char, you really need to work on those abs. They are not as hard.”
“Hello?” a girl answered Tom’s phone. She’s probably a slut. And blonde. And tall. And gorgeous. Ag.
“Is Tom there?” I asked politely.
“He’s getting dressed.” The girl said, bored.
I hung up.
“He has another girl over there. “
“ Oh.” Colin said. “Maybe she’s there to pick up something. “
“Like her panties” Char muttered.
“He’s getting dressed. They had sex!” I groaned “He’s over me.”
“Don’t cry.” Tony said, already passing me a tissue.
“I won’t. “
0000
There was a knock on my door.
“Ugh. Too early.” I rolled off the latest bint and got out of bed.
I opened the door to find two angry men.
“Hello, Dugrey. Can we come in?” asked Colin, not waiting for the formal invitation, he walked inside.
“Can I help you?” I said gruffly.
“ You can.” Tony said “Quit being an ass and call Christina”
I groaned “She told me she doesn’t need me. What am I supposed to do? Bother her until she does? No thanks. I’m fine right now.”
“Whoring yourself doesn’t seem fine, does it Tony?” Colin asked his fiancée
“No, it doesn’t. It sounds like he’s running away. I think that’s it, fiancée”
“Yes, I think-“
I interrupted them “If you are done trying to guilt trip me. I’m going to stop you right now. I need coffee.”
Almost automatically, flashbacks of Christina appeared in my mind.
“I’ll make it.” Colin offered, pushing me out of the way and into the kitchen.
“Ew. Maxwell House? You lowered your standards in everything” Colin tsked
“I’m a struggling college student”
“No, you’re not.” Tony said off-handedly “You are a struggling college whore.”
“Enough with the antagonism, Queer Eye. I can always kick you out, you know.” I told them, frustrated.
“You don’t have the muscle power.” Colin told me
Tony then flexed.
“Right. “ I rolled my eyes. I’m really sick of these two making me out to be the bad guy.
“You are the bad guy.” Colin told me, drinking my coffee. “You voice your thoughts aloud…like someone else we know.”
I scowled. “Out!”
Colin pushed Tony out the door.
“Good. Now, its just the boys.” Colin told me.
“Tony isn’t one?” I asked, smirking
“He likes to pretend he is, but I know better.” Colin walked closer to me. “You. Need. To. Make. Up. With. The Love of your life. “
“Emily Blunt won’t return my calls.” I told him.
“Listen, smart ass, I am not leaving until you call her. She’s lonely without you.”
“Fine, Elton John,” Colin scoffed at me “Hand me the phone”
He did. I started dialing. She picked up on the fourth ring.
“Hello?” Christina answered. In the background, I could hear shuffling “Char!” Giggle.
“I’m sorry. Who is this?” She asked.
I hung up.
“Lonely, huh? Sounds like she’s fine with another man.”
00000
Damn you, Christina. I thought. Char was supposed to leave at 3! I told that girl…
“She’s probably watching Sex and the City. “ Tom stared at me disbelievingly. “That’s her favorite show, now that its on E!” He still stared “Oh, so you can whore yourself, but Christina can’t be with her friend? That’s hypocritical, Dugrey. A double standard, actually.”
“Out. Now.” Tom interrupted me.
I nodded, and headed out.
0000
“He was heartbroken, Tony, I’m telling you.” I explained to my fiancée. “That’s the only reason why he would be so angry.”
Tony nodded indulgently.
“Maybe I can prescribe him Prozac…” I wondered aloud
“What’s with pharmacist- or future pharmacists- and drugging everyone?” Tony asked me.
“I’m not a frat boy drugging some freshman. Its prescribing medicine that can help you.”
“And Prince Charles is attractive.”
“He does have that charm.”
Tony turned his showtunes up.
0000
“What are you doing?” Char asked me.
I was applying my moisturizer for the fifth time.
“Moisturizing. I don’t want wrinkles.” I told him simply.
“This is your sixth time applying that goo to your face.” Char reminded me.
“The fifth. The first thing I put was for my brown spots.”
“You’re PALE.”
“You can still get sun marks. “
“You get sunburn every time you go outside- You don’t go outside.”
“That’s not true. I went to get the paper across the street” I shook my finger at him “I’m not a zombie that comes out at night. I love the sun…even though it’s a bitch that burns me. Nevermind, I don’t like the sun. The sun can go to hell..wait there is already a sun in hell. I mean, that’s why its so hot, right?”
“Ask Tom.” He muttered.
I chose to ignore his comment.
“Let’s just get coffee, okay?”
He agreed.
I want someone that challenges me, I thought.
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