Truth: Chapter 18

Truth: Chapter 18
“So, what do you want to do?” Tom asked me.
We were lying on the ground; the movie just ended and we were at lost on what to do next.
“My hands are aching” I told him “Massage it for me, please”
“Come over here. “ He patted the spot next to him
“You smell good”
“Are you sniffing my hair?” I asked “And it’s my new vanilla shampoo”
He gave me that stare again.
“What do you want from me” I whispered.
“You”
I woke up in a sweat.
I took a shower, got dressed, made coffee and then called Colin.
He picked up the phone on the third ring
“Yes, my dear” he answered
“I need to talk to you” I told him urgently. I needed to talk to someone about this dream, and my appointment with Dr. Maynes wasn’t until a few more days.
“I do”
“What…”
“I’m practicing for the wedding! It’s in 2 weeks and a half”
I sighed deeply. “Colin. I had a dream about Tom- it wasn’t a sex dream, rather something out of a romantic comedy.”
“Classic or Ashton Kutcher?”
“What does it matter?”
“Classic is true romance, whereas Kutcher is just fluff!” Colin told me dramatically.
“Classic. I asked him what he wants from me, then he looked me in the eye and said ‘You’ “I paused “What does that mean”
I didn’t tell anyone about the list, so Colin has no idea that I’m in love with Tom.
“It means you love him.”
“I don’t-“
He interrupted. “You two have been going around in circles for months; just admit it.”
So, I told him everything. He is, after all, my best friend.
When I was finished, I asked if he wanted to meet at Coffee Blues in 2 hours.
I needed to see someone; not to cry it out. God, no. What do I look like? A Basket case?
I mean, I am a basket case- but I don’t look like one! Wait, do I?
I took deep breaths that Dr. Maynes taught me. I was getting too paranoid.
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My father said, “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love.”
I never got that meaning until I met her.
She annoys me. It’s really that simple. I don’t know if I want to push her away for being so ignorant of my feelings, or force her to understand.
I’m not going to gather her in my arms “Oh, Christina! I’ve loved you from the moment I met you!”
It’s true, of course. But, that will only make her vomit from the sappiness and push her away.
She’s a funny girl, that Christina. I could list all her faults, reason my way out of my affections- but I know I’ll keep coming back. Always.
She’s mine, and that Char guy has nothing on what we have. Nothing.
It’s time to win her back. No more whores, I want love.
Oh, god. I think I might vomit from the sap; but it’s true. Besides, I heard Crystal has Nasty Snatch Junk.
Back to the point, how can I get her back?
As if lighting struck me, I looked at the mug on the table.
Coffee.
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I heard someone knock on my door. I always found that annoying, when I was making my coffee. Shouldn’t there be a signal that I’m making the beverage of the Gods?
I sighed and walked away from Melvin (my coffee maker) and reached the doorway.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Tom.”
I smoothed out my hair, checked my teeth in the mirror next to the door and took three calming breaths Dr.Maynes taught me.
What? I can’t seem like a basket case to the man I love.
I opened the door.
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Was it my imagination, or does she look shorter?
I stared. “I brought coffee.”
She smiled and reached over.
“Black and White, two sugars, no cream?” She asked me
“Yes.” I smiled. “It’s a great peace offering, no?”
“Coffee can end wars, they say. “ She smiled again, and motioned me into the kitchen.
“I’m making waffles. Do you want?” She asked me. “Slightly burnt, extra syrup and strawberries, right?”
“Affirmative. “
“I missed you. “ We said together.
“I called, you know. Those unknown numbers were me. “
“Shit. Now, I owe Tony a $20. And here I thought, it was some stalker. “She laughed. “Were you stalking me?”
“Only on Thursdays. “
After that, everything seemed back in place. The puzzles fit again.
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“I saw you and Tom together! Yay for making up! Now, tell me, did you have mad sex?” Tony asked me.
“Yes on making up, no on mad sex and who says that?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Strange Queer.”
“Ignore him. He’s cracked up on red bull.” Colin told me.
I slapped Tony in the face. “RED BULL?! Traitor! That’s treason. Energy drink over coffee? I. am. So. Ashamed. “
“Calm down, Chris. “ Tony told me, scared for his life.
Or, I liked to think he was scared for his life. The thought of being intimidating, instead of cute when angry brings me joy.

“Christina Watson! I asked who you is your date to the wedding!” Colin told me, exasperated.
“Char. We planned this month ago. “
“Char? But, Tom is blonde. “Tony argued.
“What does hair color have to do with it?” I asked him
“Blond men are prettier. It’s my Gay Man Opinion, so it must be true. “Tony patted my head. “You have much to learn.”
I slapped his hand away, and walked to the door.
“Well, I already told Char and that is that. “ I glanced back, saw Tony’s stricken face, and stuck out my tongue.
Gay men!
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“Char, quit- Char!” Char was kissing my neck. I know he does that when he wants something or is angry.
You are probably thinking, ‘kissing your neck because he’s angry?’ I don’t pretend to understand him.
“Chris-Tina. Are you friends with Tom, again. Yes or no?” Char stopped kissing me, and look at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Would you like me to get a piece of paper and check mark, yes or no?” I told him sarcastically. “Yes, I’m friends with him, Char. You should be too. He’s me, Colin, and Tony’s best friend; and it will be awkward to the group if both of you dislike each other!”
“Wait.” He raised both hands. “I didn’t know the feeling was mutual. “
“And why wouldn’t you think that.”
“Chris-tina.” Here, he looked at me very seriously. “I’m completely loveable.”
I threw a pillow at him.
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“Truth.”
We were walking Central Park eating scones and drinking coffee.
“Shoot.”Tom said, taking a bite of his strawberry scone.
“Why were you with all those girls when we had friendship-up. “
“Friendship-up? What is that?”
I stomped my foot (very maturely.) “It’s when friends break up! Now, tell me why.”
There was a silence.
“I was trying to get over you.” He looked at me carefully, that look that I’ve grown fond of, and then looked away.
000

“Then, he said “I was trying to get over you.” What does that mean? Was he in love with me? Or was he just hurt that we weren’t friends anymore. Or was he angry that I was seeing Char, and sought revenge-because he was in love with me OR he was hurt we weren’t friends anymore!” I gasped. “This is taking a lot out of me.”
Dr. Maynes was silent for a moment.
“Maybe, he was feeling both emotions?”
“Oh, god. Now, I’m going to overanalyze the situation until my mental health deteriorates further, and I start knitting! What 21 year old knits!” I leaned back in my chair “This is all very confusing. “
She hmm-nn. I find that very annoying. Why must all therapist “hmm-nn.” It’s this know it all sound. I hate it. It’s like, “I’m listening, and know everything.” Wait, that’s not it. It’s “I’m listening and can’t believe how neurotic you are. “ That’s-
“Christina? You are overanalyzing again. Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.” Dr. Maynes instructed me.
I did what she asked.
“Here’s homework for you. Make a list of all the things you love about Tom and Char. You’ll find the answer there. I believe our session is over.”
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Here’s the list
Tom.
1. I love our deep conversations, and then it can become silly.
2. I love how he can make me laugh with his sarcasm
3. I love how he challenges me
4. I love how he’s addicted to coffee
5. I love how he doesn’t tell me, like all my other friends, that I’m drinking too much coffee
6. I love how he gets along with my family
7. I love that no matter how harsh the fight, we always come back

Char
1. I love how he makes me laugh
2. I love our scamming adventures
3. I love his goofy adorableness
4. But, we use each other for companionship- we don’t love each other. He’s competitive over Tom. That’s why he’s jealous. Tom is the man he wants to me. I figured this out in therapy. Sometimes, he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t challenge me.
5. He isn’t Tom.

I looked at the list, at all the perfections and faults of the two men, and made my choice.
Oh, god. Cry me a river. This is going to be hard to break the news